I found a NEW SPECIES OF TREE. It's called an AMOROUS BUTT-POKING TREE! Yesterday, that TREE in the BACK, POKED AND PRODDED ME SOMETHING AWFUL!
Today, it was the TREE OUT IN THE FRONT. I went and
MOWED THE LAWN IN THE FRONT, and ALL DURING
THAT TIME, THAT TREE TOOK EVERY OPPORTUNITY
TO ANNOY ME! IT got its LEAFY BRANCHES ALL IN
MY FACE, SO THAT I COULDN'T SEE WHERE I WAS
MOWING, and both ME AND MY MOWER ENDED UP IN
THE DRIVEWAY!!! Yesterday, when I was in the BACK,
TRIMMING THE OTHER TREE'S BRANCHES, it got SO MAD
AT ME, IT POKED MY BUTT AND KNOCKED ME
DOWN!!! I think it told THIS TREE, IN THE FRONT YARD,
what A MEAN PERSON I WAS, trimming its BRANCHES,
and so NOW THIS TREE kept putting it's leafy
BRANCHES RIGHT IN MY FACE, trying to stick its TWIGS UP
MY NOSE, and getting the twigs STUCK IN MY
HAIR!!!!! Took me ALL MORNING to MOW THE
LAWN. I could've done the ENTIRE THING IN
HALF-AN-HOUR, if I could've SEEN WHERE I WAS GOING.
I'm VERY UPSET about this TREE BUSINESS!!! I
think I'll go SIT OUTSIDE under ONE of them-----during
a lightning STORM. Those TREES won't be so
COCKY, THEN... When a tree is struck by lightning, the
liquids inside the trunk and bark turn to gas instantly,
leading to high pressure and literally explosion of
anything that is between the gas and the open air.
Usually, the lightning current runs just underneath
the bark, down to ground, and the tree is scarred
by a strip of blown-away bark. It usually survives such a strike.
Sometimes, the current may run down near the center of
the trunk, and then there may be little left of the
tree afterwards. The exploding timber will
blow away at high velocity and act like projectiles. ...THOSE TREES BETTER BE NICE TO
ME....
ALL ABOUT TREES:
OverviewIn the past, trees covered most of the Earth's land
surface. At present, according to Ecology.com, trees
cover just over 29 percent of the Earth's land
surface. Even with the reduction in the number of
trees, there are still some interesting facts and
figures about trees.
SizeThe tallest tree in the world is a coastal redwood in
California. That tree, named Hyperion, is nearly 380
feet tall. The largest known tree is another coastal
redwood called the General Sherman. The General
Sherman may not be as tall as Hyperion, but it has a
much more massive trunk.
AgeRecent research on a Swedish spruce tree has
shown that it took root nearly 9,500 years ago,
according to an article in "The Telegraph."
Researchers have found other nearby spruce
clusters that are 8,000 years old. Before the
discovery of these trees, the previously oldest
known trees were some North American pines
estimated to be around 5,000 years old.
Fastest Growing TreeThe fastest growing tree in the world is the Eastern
cottonwood, or the Populus deltoides. This tree is
known to grow nearly 18 inches per year and is
often cultivated as a core wood for furniture grade
plywood and other engineered wood-based
products. This deciduous tree can reach heights of
over 80 feet and spreads of nearly 60 feet.
Hardest WoodHardwoods can be very dense, which makes them
ideal for furniture and home building. The denser the
wood, the more stable it is and the better it can
support a load. The densest wood in the world is
ironwood, sometimes called the "axe breaker."
Ironwood contains long, tightly packed fibers with
almost no air spaces, accounting for its hardness
and density.
Softest WoodThe softest wood commercially produced from trees
in the world is balsa wood. Balsa is also the lightest
wood. Balsa has an average specific gravity of .16
and easily floats in water.
Darkest & Lightest WoodThe darkest wood in the world comes from the
ebony tree. The lightest is from the silver striped
holly.
Amorous Butt-poking TreesCan be found in an isolated yard in the back of a
house on a certain street, in a certain town.
Butt-poking trees can communicate with each other
telepathically, warning each other of houseowner
with push lawnmower and pinking shears. Said trees
will attack said person, mercilessly poking soft
posteriors with their cold, hard dead branches.
Failing that, the trees will shove branches up nasal
and aural cavities.
Today, it was the TREE OUT IN THE FRONT. I went and
MOWED THE LAWN IN THE FRONT, and ALL DURING
THAT TIME, THAT TREE TOOK EVERY OPPORTUNITY
TO ANNOY ME! IT got its LEAFY BRANCHES ALL IN
MY FACE, SO THAT I COULDN'T SEE WHERE I WAS
MOWING, and both ME AND MY MOWER ENDED UP IN
THE DRIVEWAY!!! Yesterday, when I was in the BACK,
TRIMMING THE OTHER TREE'S BRANCHES, it got SO MAD
AT ME, IT POKED MY BUTT AND KNOCKED ME
DOWN!!! I think it told THIS TREE, IN THE FRONT YARD,
what A MEAN PERSON I WAS, trimming its BRANCHES,
and so NOW THIS TREE kept putting it's leafy
BRANCHES RIGHT IN MY FACE, trying to stick its TWIGS UP
MY NOSE, and getting the twigs STUCK IN MY
HAIR!!!!! Took me ALL MORNING to MOW THE
LAWN. I could've done the ENTIRE THING IN
HALF-AN-HOUR, if I could've SEEN WHERE I WAS GOING.
I'm VERY UPSET about this TREE BUSINESS!!! I
think I'll go SIT OUTSIDE under ONE of them-----during
a lightning STORM. Those TREES won't be so
COCKY, THEN... When a tree is struck by lightning, the
liquids inside the trunk and bark turn to gas instantly,
leading to high pressure and literally explosion of
anything that is between the gas and the open air.
Usually, the lightning current runs just underneath
the bark, down to ground, and the tree is scarred
by a strip of blown-away bark. It usually survives such a strike.
Sometimes, the current may run down near the center of
the trunk, and then there may be little left of the
tree afterwards. The exploding timber will
blow away at high velocity and act like projectiles. ...THOSE TREES BETTER BE NICE TO
ME....
ALL ABOUT TREES:
OverviewIn the past, trees covered most of the Earth's land
surface. At present, according to Ecology.com, trees
cover just over 29 percent of the Earth's land
surface. Even with the reduction in the number of
trees, there are still some interesting facts and
figures about trees.
SizeThe tallest tree in the world is a coastal redwood in
California. That tree, named Hyperion, is nearly 380
feet tall. The largest known tree is another coastal
redwood called the General Sherman. The General
Sherman may not be as tall as Hyperion, but it has a
much more massive trunk.
AgeRecent research on a Swedish spruce tree has
shown that it took root nearly 9,500 years ago,
according to an article in "The Telegraph."
Researchers have found other nearby spruce
clusters that are 8,000 years old. Before the
discovery of these trees, the previously oldest
known trees were some North American pines
estimated to be around 5,000 years old.
Fastest Growing TreeThe fastest growing tree in the world is the Eastern
cottonwood, or the Populus deltoides. This tree is
known to grow nearly 18 inches per year and is
often cultivated as a core wood for furniture grade
plywood and other engineered wood-based
products. This deciduous tree can reach heights of
over 80 feet and spreads of nearly 60 feet.
Hardest WoodHardwoods can be very dense, which makes them
ideal for furniture and home building. The denser the
wood, the more stable it is and the better it can
support a load. The densest wood in the world is
ironwood, sometimes called the "axe breaker."
Ironwood contains long, tightly packed fibers with
almost no air spaces, accounting for its hardness
and density.
Softest WoodThe softest wood commercially produced from trees
in the world is balsa wood. Balsa is also the lightest
wood. Balsa has an average specific gravity of .16
and easily floats in water.
Darkest & Lightest WoodThe darkest wood in the world comes from the
ebony tree. The lightest is from the silver striped
holly.
Amorous Butt-poking TreesCan be found in an isolated yard in the back of a
house on a certain street, in a certain town.
Butt-poking trees can communicate with each other
telepathically, warning each other of houseowner
with push lawnmower and pinking shears. Said trees
will attack said person, mercilessly poking soft
posteriors with their cold, hard dead branches.
Failing that, the trees will shove branches up nasal
and aural cavities.
No comments:
Post a Comment