Friday, September 25, 2009

The Sock People-By Nadine Noriega


While Sgt Falconian

was at the LIBRARY, doing RESEARCH on COLOR FIELDS,

Walt's football team had gotten into a BIG FIGHT with

ANOTHER TEAM during FOOTBALL PRACTICE. The fight had

made the EVENING NEWS, and the VERY NEXT MORNING, it

had MADE THE FRONT PAGE.

Reported taunting led to a fight between two football teams

Wednesday.

No one was arrested or charged in the 6 p.m. incident at the

HamonRye Football field.
according to Deputy Sam Snooper.

Athletic Director Keith Kandikane said assistant coach

Ryan Krogerskrackers was
given a yellow-card for abusive language to an official.

Kandikane said he received an e-mail from the Athletic
Association Thursday that said no other further action was

necessary in the
matter. The Red Dwarfs beat HamonRye 7-0.

"The two teams were taunting each other on the field and

that led to verbal
altercations, which led to players physically fighting each

other on the field,"
Snooper said.

Capt Russell Hoolihan said the matter is still being

investigated.

"There are some things that weren't substantiated. But with

a thing like that,
we're still doing some checking and trying to cover all our

bases," Hoolihan said.

Meanwhile, Sgt Falconian had replaced all the

BULBS in his ROOM with SODIUM BULBS. This new lighting

system had turned everything in the little man's room, a

ghastly yellow color, but it eliminated all of the BLUE COLOR

that was in the room. Things had settled down and the

scruffy little man and his winged pet were at last having a

NORMAL LIFE.
However, it speeded up whatever was happening

around Sgt Falconian's room. More and more people were

turning into INFANTS, and even MORE THINGS WERE

DISAPPEARING INTO THIN AIR. Sgt Falconian's immediate

neighbors-----Mr Left, in room 30, and Ms Right, in room 31,

were experiencing an alarming rise in MISSING SOCKS!

Already, Sgt Falconian's two neighbors had

LOST-----between the TWO of them--------------over 37 PAIRS OF

SOCKS!
Unknown to THEM-----or to the REST OF BUILDING

C-----Sgt Falconian's NEW LIGHTS were SPEEDING UP A

wormhole that had started forming in Sgt Falconian's

trapezoid kitchen. When the wormhole had FORMED, SOCK

PEOPLE HAD CLIMBED THROUGH THE WORMHOLE, which

had started near SGT FALCONIAN'S KITCHEN SINK, and was

NOW FILLING UP MOST OF HIS KITCHEN.
For the MOST PART, the WORMHOLE was

INVISIBLE, save for some SPARKING which would rise up

from the SINK. This SPARKING would sometimes cause the

TOILET to FLUSH.
These SOCK PEOPLE would CLIMB THROUGH THE

WORMHOLE in SGT FALCONIAN'S ROOM. Using their small

TOOLS, they'd open up OTHER WORMHOLES to OTHER

ROOMS, and they'd use THESE WORMHOLES to STEAL

SOCKS! These people were perfectly content with hoarding

tons of used socks. In a SINGLE NIGHT, it wasn't unusual for

these individuals to net SEVERAL TONS OF SOCKS.
The Sock People would go from ROOM TO ROOM,

sifting through laundry hampers and drawers, looking for

DIRTY SOCKS, which they would then PUREE and SELL IN

VENDING MACHINES, as MOLDY SOCKS were CONSIDERED A

HEALTH FOOD, much like SOY MILK, and WHEAT BRAN

MUFFINS.
Early in the year, the SOCK PEOPLE had become

victims of a FLU EPIDEMIC, and their SCIENTISTS had found

that eating sweaty socks along with pureed calavasitas

could GREATLY DECREASE THEIR CHANCES OF CATCHING

the FLU. Dirty socks were a natural VACCINE AGAINST THIS

FLU, and the SOCK PEOPLE WERE GROWING DESPERATE!
Because the FLU was DEADLY, Sock People all

over the UNIVERSE had been GOING THROUGH THE

WORMHOLE, STEALING SOCKS FROM HAMPERS AND

LAUNDRYROOMS AT BUILDING C, and FRYING THEM,

ALONG WITH THEIR BACON AND EGGS, to EAT THEM FOR

BREAKFAST! Toe socks were an especial favorite, as they

tasted SWEETER than TUBE SOCKS.
Sock people also preferred SOCKS with MAUVE

STRIPES, and DIAGONAL PLEATING, as THESE socks

seemed to have HEALING QUALITIES, as did SOCKS WITH

MULTI-COLORED STRIPES on them. Because MORE AND

MORE SOCK PEOPLE were falling ill with the FLU, the

DEMAND FOR FRESH SOCKS became so great that NOW

THEY WERE BRANCHING OUT into OTHER PARTS OF

BUILDING C, going through rooms which had rarely been

used, or that had been VACATED LONG AGO.
Such were the affairs, ONE MORNING, when Sgt

Falconian had taken his bath, and was looking forward to

watching the football game, wearing his favorite orange and

blue tube socks-----the COLOR OF HIS FAVORITE TEAM, the

DENVER BRONCOS. As he dressed, he searched in vain for

his favorite socks, and found, to his dismay, that they were

GONE....

Saturday, September 12, 2009

JOE-PART ONE


A story about an alien being who discovers her husband has turned into a baby.


Crazy Lois ran out into the
hallway, where the screams came from. She saw her
younger son, Malloy, standing over a pile of rags. Malloy
was silently crying, and bending over the pile. "Daddy..." he sobbed. "What the HELL IS GOING ON?" Crazy Lois
demanded in a shrill voice. Malloy was shaking and crying silently, he was
biting his lower lip and tears were streaming down his face.
He kept pointing to the pile of clothes, and a baby, which
was setting on top of them. The infant-----probably a NEWBORN--------was
screaming lustily, clawing at the air with his tiny fists. The
baby looked HUMAN. "Oh that's just GREAT! Did you STEAL SOMEONE'S
KID?" Crazy Lois yelled, angrily. "No! I----" Malloy stuttered. "See, this is the SORT OF THING THAT MAKES ME
WANT TO EAT YOU!!!!!" Crazy Lois screamed, shrilly, as she
collared her son. "Mom, I didn't DO anything----" "You take this KID BACK WHERE YOU GOT HIM
FROM!!!!" "Mom! I CAN'T-----" "Where's REED----Where's your FATHER?" "Mom...Will you PLEASE LISTEN?" "Joe! JOE!" Crazy Lois screamed, shrilly, for her
husband. "Damn it..." she muttered, picking up the infant.
"What the HELL did you kids do, NOW? You KIDNAPPED A
BABY, and I'm NOT GOING TO PRISON FOR YOU!!!!" The baby was screaming, and its bottom felt WET.
Crazy Lois muttered a swear word, and then took the baby
inside. She sent Malloy out to the GROCERY STORE, for
some DIAPERS and FORMULA, and then she started to
bathe the baby. As she drew a bath, she noticed the small
DOVE which the baby had on its forearm. JOE had a TATTOO JUST LIKE THAT!!! Looking closer at the baby's face, she saw a small
scar on its left eyebrow-------like the one JOE had, when HE'D
BEEN INVOLVED IN A CAR ACCIDENT on a cold RAINY
NIGHT. As she scrubbed the human baby, she muttered
about how TOUGH LIFE WAS FOR HER, that it had been a
MISTAKE to marry a human, and even though he wasn't
FULLY HUMAN, he still had the BAD TRAITS OF THAT AWFUL
RACE. Her sons were JUST as bad. They took after their FATHER in EVERY WAY. They
were SLOPPY, THEYate JUNK FOOD and left their CLOTHES
OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FLOOR. They YELLED all the
time and THREW THINGS AT EACH OTHER! They were RUDE,
like ALL HUMANS! "One of these DAYS----"Crazy Lois hissed into the
baby's face, "I'm GONNA EAT THEM ALL!" The baby laughed into her face, and its laughing reminded her of Joe, who was always LAUGHING at his
reptilian wife. He had done that THIS MORNING, when Crazy
Lois had discovered Malloy and Reed spraying whipped
cream all over Logan, her youngest son. She had collared all three of her sons, breathing
fire and threatening to EAT THEM RIGHT THEN AND THERE!
Joe had appeared at the doorway, taking his sons out to
the car----they were going to SCHOOL--------while Lois wiped
the whipped cream off of Logan's face. When Joe had come back from taking the boys to
school, Crazy Lois was still breathing fire, and threatening
to eat her kids, but Joe just LAUGHED. They were JUST
KIDS, he said. Boy's being boys. Crazy Lois snorted. One of these days.... Malloy returned with the diapers. Crazy Lois
quickly dried the infant off and powdered the infant's
bottom. Then, after putting a diaper on it, Lois warmed up
the formula and put it inside a baby bottle. The baby was
grabbing at the small blanket Crazy Lois had wrapped it in.
The baby cooed up at her, playing with her fingers. Malloy
was grabbing at his mother's shirt sleeve, trying to TELL her
something about HIS DADDY. The half-reptilian boy was
quietly sobbing. Crazy Lois looked down at the baby's face,
startled to see her husband's confused expression----Joe
always looked GOOFY, as if he was perpetually confused.
For an instant, she thought that her husband had been
fooling around with ANOTHER WOMAN, and that the woman
had abandoned her infant at Joe's doorstep. This made her
growl low in her throat. She leered at the baby, and grabbed
its tiny throat with her large scaly hand. But Malloy screamed and grabbed her arm. "PLEASE DON'T HURT DADDY!" he screamed.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

My work in progress--AIRPORT-FLIGHT OF THE CHUPA



Meanwhile, Police had arrested Willie at the SAVE-A-BUNCH grocery store after the clerks found him at a table in the deli section, eating avocados, cake and other items. Captain Hoolihan had reported that the chupacabra appeared to be intoxicated----he had found and drank several cans of beer that TOMMY GRIBBLE had had in his truck, when it had crashed.
When found, Willie had been dining and had eaten a hearty spread, including cake, cookies and plums, in the deli area around 2:45 a.m. Tuesday.
Captain Hoolihan had said that they'd found avocado pits and pistachio shells on the floor and on a connecting table in the store. When police tried to take Willie out of the store, he growled and jumped over a counter and locked himself in a storage room. Sgt Falconian called Joe at the diner, and the cook went to the store to TALK WILLIE OUT OF THE STORAGE ROOM.
Joe-------who could talk the SOCKS OUT OF THEIR DRAWERS----- WAS woefully UNSUCCESSFUL, when it came to WILLIE. The chupa crawled out of the window and ran off. It was UNFORTUNATE for a family picnic down the street, as they had mistaken the chupa for their WEIRD UNCLE THAXTER. After helping himself to SEVERAL MORE DISHES, WILLIE had enraged several family members by GROWLING at the family Matriarch, who had promply gone after the chupa with her PURSE.
Then, "all hell broke loose", Captain Hoolihan had reported, as the FRACAS TURNED INTO A FULL-SCALE RIOT!
The rioters were "throwing jack irons, throwing tire irons, anything they could get their hands on." Some people EVEN CARRIED BASEBALL BATS AND BROOMS!
Captain Hoolihan had arrested two people at a high school during the initial disturbance. Relatives of the people who were arrested followed officers to police headquarters at city hall, and then the melee erupted.Six more people were arrested at city hall, Reese said, and police called in reinforcements from surrounding cities. Some officers wore riot gear, and many planned to stay overnight to help maintain order.
During the night, the fighting got even WORSE, as the town was placed under MARTIAL LAW. Several of the MARAUDERS had reached BUILDING C, but all the residents had locked their doors and stood in readiness to defend their building. Sgt Falconian had left Nadine with Lobelia, while he went down to the storage room at the SAVE-A-BUNCH to help JOE talk to WILLIE.
The CHUPA had somehow made his way to the AIRPORT. He'd stowed away in the trunk of a YELLOW CAB, which was taking a passenger to the airport. When he'd GOTTEN THERE, Willie had ingested even MORE alcoholic beverages at the airport bar. After THAT, he'd grabbed a jacket, belonging to one of the pilots, and entered the cockpit of a CESSNA AIRPLANE.
Once airborne, Willie served himself some more cocktails while at the controls. Two hours later he was apparently so inebriated that he was unable to read the instruments telling him where the airfield was---not that he was able to read the instruments, anyway! The chupa, who'd once been a trained pilot back in his home world, was now in a STRANGE NEW WORLD, and, worse, he had regressed into a BABY WHO'D GOTTEN DRUNK ON TOO MANY BEERS AND COCKTAILS, not to MENTION all the FOOD HE'D EATEN...
As he flew through the air, weaving his way through the skies, Willie had heard the squawk of the radio----the voices were now getting VERY PANICKY------
"I don't know what he's doing - he's going everywhere," sputtered a controller as he radioed warnings of an "unknown aircraft" to passenger jets, and just about ANYBODY ELSE WHO COULD HEAR HIM. The voices rushed and almost screamed until Willie reached over, and PULLED THE RADIO OUT OF THE CONTROL MONITOR.
It was a BIG MISTAKE-----because when WILLIE PULLED THE RADIO OUT OF THE CONSOLE, THERE WAS A MASSIVE ELECTRICAL
SHORT, AND HIS PLANE WAS GOING DOWN!!!!