The day before he disappeared, Gary was at Joe's Diner with his best friend, TOMMY GRIBBLE. They were eating cheeseburgers and green chili and they were both sitting in the both. Gary was UPSET because LOTTIE--------his WIFE-------had given him HELL again.
"She got AFTER me 'cuz I left the dog in the basement..."
Tommy shook his head. Lottie was a mean-spirited short woman with black hair and mean-looking black eyes. "That's NOT FAIR..." Tommy said, in between bites of his burger. "Everybody MAKES MISTAKES..."
"But I did it ON PURPOSE!" Gary stated, matter-of-factly, brushing a strand of his blond hair from his eyes. "That HOUND FROM HELL ATTACKED ME while I was PUTTIN' UP TH' ANTENNA!'
Gary had told about what had HAPPENED, earlier that day. He'd been up on the roof fixing up the antenna, and he'd gone down the ladder to get a piece of WIRE FROM HIS TOOL KIT. The dog had fastened onto Gary's arm, and Gary had had to go to the VET to get the dog OFF OF HIM. The vet sedated the dog, and Gary took it HOME to the basement.
"Lottie kicked me out of the house!" Gary said, sadly. "Guess I'll go ACROSS THE STREET and get a ROOM!"
Tommy shook his head. "Nah. Stay over with ME! Tommy Jr is at his GRANDMA'S for the weekend, and the place is EMPTY without him.
"Okay... "Gary muttered, and drank his coffee. Soon he paid for his dinner and left. Tommy stared at his friend's departing figure.
\ "GARY'S a GOOD GUY..." Tommy thought, to himself. Soft-hearted as all get out. Taking in ALL KINDS OF STRANGE CREATURES, like the baby robins he found in his backyard, and the WEIRD-LOOKING THING that looked like a GIANT VEINED JELLY FISH!
Gary had bought all kinds of birdseeds for the baby robins, and he'd taken care of them until they were OLD ENOUGH TO BE OUT ON THEIR OWN, but THEN when they got BIG, Gary found out that the 'baby robins', were BUZZARDS, and THEY FIXATED ON THE SAILOR, dive-bombing him and pooping on his HEAD!"
The JELLYFISH CREATURE, Gary had found ON TOP OF HIS PICKUP, late one night, had found, late one night, when he was coming home from work. There it was, on the HOOD, and Gary didn't know whether to EAT IT or PLANT IT. But then he saw that it was an INTELLIGENT SENTIENT BEING, and so he kept it up on a SHELF in the KITCHEN. Lottie, of course, HATED it, but Gary had set his FOOT DOWN. He was KEEPING THE CREATURE, and Lottie could go to h------------
Now the customers were talking around Tommy, but he didn't HEAR what they were saying. He was REALLY WORRIED ABOUT GARY. He should---------Tommy thought---------KEEP THE BUZZARDS and that JELLYFISH THING, because they HAD TREATED HIM BETTER THAN LOTTIE DID.
Gary, meanwhile, was thinking---------something he WASN'T USED TO DOING! He strode down the street to the parking lot, where his pickup was parked. He WAS-----he thought---------BETTER OFF WITHOUT LOTTIE, and he'd been planning on asking her for a DIVORCE. Things had gotten SO BAD BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM, that NOW HE WAS TAKING PILLS FOR EVERYTHING FROM HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE, HIGH CHOLESTEROL, and, TOENAIL FUNGUS!
Worse, Lottie's NAGGING had caused Gary to become ABSENT-MINDED! He shivered, as he remembered ALL THE THINGS HE'D BEEN FORGETTING, like names and addresses and supplies he was supposed to pick up for construction site! He was beginning to turn into his Aunt Aggie, who used to FORGET WHERE SHE LEFT HER HOUSE KEYS, or Uncle George, who had left his teeth in the MEN'S ROOM at the green HOUSE ON EVERGREEN TERRACE!
Uncle George had been seeing a woman there, and she WASN'T HIS WIFE! Gary's father had----------one time------taken the bus home from WORK, FORGETTING THAT HE'D DRIVEN THERE THAT MORNING! Gary got into his truck and SAT THERE. He was TURNING INTO THESE PEOPLE!
One night, Gary was walking home from Joe's Diner. He had been staring at the stars, wondering at their beauty, and awestruck at how much the sky had looked like black velvet. He forgot where he was going, and he fell down a ditch which was filled with SEWAGE!
He HATED LOTTIE! He hated her BEEDY EYES, her black TARANTULA-LIKE HAIR, and her HIGH-PITCHED WHINY VOICE!!!! He felt like ALL THE JOKES PEOPLE TOLD ABOUT HEN-PECKED HUSBANDS...HENPECKED HUSBANDS...Gary was a HENPECKED HUSBAND!!!!!
1. He wears the pants in the house – under his apron.
2. He has two chances of winning an argument with her, slim and none.
3. She leads a double life – hers and his.
4. He comes right out and says what she tells him to think.
5. She does not have to raise the roof, all she has to do is raise an eyebrow.
6. The only time he opens his mouth is to ask her for the apron and the vacuum cleaner.
7. He always has the last word – he says, “I apologize”.
8. She snaps “are you a man or a mouse – squeak up”.
9. He was a man about town, she has turned him into a mouse around the house.
10. The last big decision she let him make was whether to wash or to dry.
11. She tames to be pleased.
12. He put a ring on her finger and she put one through his nose.
13. He can’t even open his mouth to yawn, she complains he is causing a draft.
14. He was a dude before marriage – now he is subdued.
15. He married her for her looks, but not the kind he’s getting now.
16. He even has to ask permission to ask permission.
17. She lost her thumb in an accident and sued for $100,000, because it was the thumb she had him under.
18. She even complains about the noise he makes, when he is fixing his own breakfast.
19. He worships the ground she gives him the run – around on.
20. He goes to a woman dentist – it’s a relief to be told to open his mouth instead of to shut it.
21. When he is late for dinner he gets two kinds of meat, ‘hot tongue’ & ‘cold shoulder’.
22. He should have been warned, when he carried her over the threshold after they were married, that she couldn’t wait to put her foot down.
23. Every once in awhile she comes to him on her bended knees. She dares him to come out from under the bed.
24. He has to hold his pay envelope up to the light, to see if he got a raise.
25. She wants to go to the seashore, claiming that mountain air disagrees with her. He can’t see how it would dare.
Suddenly, Lottie's hateful, SCREAMING FACE swam before him. Before he knew what he was DOING, he'd started the pickup, GUNNED THE MOTOR, and WITH HIS FOOT FIRMLY DOWN ON THE GAS PEDAL, HE DROVE OUT OF THE PARKING LOT AND SPED DOWN THE HIGHWAY. he didn't KNOW HOW HE'D GOTTEN INTO THE ACCIDENT, BUT SUDDENLY, THERE WAS THE RAVINE, AND----------BEFORE HE COULD HIT THE BRAKES,
His pickup...
Went SAILING THROUGH THE AIR...
...And the LAST THING HE FELT, WAS A SICKENING FEELING OF WEIGHTLESSNESS!
"She got AFTER me 'cuz I left the dog in the basement..."
Tommy shook his head. Lottie was a mean-spirited short woman with black hair and mean-looking black eyes. "That's NOT FAIR..." Tommy said, in between bites of his burger. "Everybody MAKES MISTAKES..."
"But I did it ON PURPOSE!" Gary stated, matter-of-factly, brushing a strand of his blond hair from his eyes. "That HOUND FROM HELL ATTACKED ME while I was PUTTIN' UP TH' ANTENNA!'
Gary had told about what had HAPPENED, earlier that day. He'd been up on the roof fixing up the antenna, and he'd gone down the ladder to get a piece of WIRE FROM HIS TOOL KIT. The dog had fastened onto Gary's arm, and Gary had had to go to the VET to get the dog OFF OF HIM. The vet sedated the dog, and Gary took it HOME to the basement.
"Lottie kicked me out of the house!" Gary said, sadly. "Guess I'll go ACROSS THE STREET and get a ROOM!"
Tommy shook his head. "Nah. Stay over with ME! Tommy Jr is at his GRANDMA'S for the weekend, and the place is EMPTY without him.
"Okay... "Gary muttered, and drank his coffee. Soon he paid for his dinner and left. Tommy stared at his friend's departing figure.
\ "GARY'S a GOOD GUY..." Tommy thought, to himself. Soft-hearted as all get out. Taking in ALL KINDS OF STRANGE CREATURES, like the baby robins he found in his backyard, and the WEIRD-LOOKING THING that looked like a GIANT VEINED JELLY FISH!
Gary had bought all kinds of birdseeds for the baby robins, and he'd taken care of them until they were OLD ENOUGH TO BE OUT ON THEIR OWN, but THEN when they got BIG, Gary found out that the 'baby robins', were BUZZARDS, and THEY FIXATED ON THE SAILOR, dive-bombing him and pooping on his HEAD!"
The JELLYFISH CREATURE, Gary had found ON TOP OF HIS PICKUP, late one night, had found, late one night, when he was coming home from work. There it was, on the HOOD, and Gary didn't know whether to EAT IT or PLANT IT. But then he saw that it was an INTELLIGENT SENTIENT BEING, and so he kept it up on a SHELF in the KITCHEN. Lottie, of course, HATED it, but Gary had set his FOOT DOWN. He was KEEPING THE CREATURE, and Lottie could go to h------------
Now the customers were talking around Tommy, but he didn't HEAR what they were saying. He was REALLY WORRIED ABOUT GARY. He should---------Tommy thought---------KEEP THE BUZZARDS and that JELLYFISH THING, because they HAD TREATED HIM BETTER THAN LOTTIE DID.
Gary, meanwhile, was thinking---------something he WASN'T USED TO DOING! He strode down the street to the parking lot, where his pickup was parked. He WAS-----he thought---------BETTER OFF WITHOUT LOTTIE, and he'd been planning on asking her for a DIVORCE. Things had gotten SO BAD BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM, that NOW HE WAS TAKING PILLS FOR EVERYTHING FROM HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE, HIGH CHOLESTEROL, and, TOENAIL FUNGUS!
Worse, Lottie's NAGGING had caused Gary to become ABSENT-MINDED! He shivered, as he remembered ALL THE THINGS HE'D BEEN FORGETTING, like names and addresses and supplies he was supposed to pick up for construction site! He was beginning to turn into his Aunt Aggie, who used to FORGET WHERE SHE LEFT HER HOUSE KEYS, or Uncle George, who had left his teeth in the MEN'S ROOM at the green HOUSE ON EVERGREEN TERRACE!
Uncle George had been seeing a woman there, and she WASN'T HIS WIFE! Gary's father had----------one time------taken the bus home from WORK, FORGETTING THAT HE'D DRIVEN THERE THAT MORNING! Gary got into his truck and SAT THERE. He was TURNING INTO THESE PEOPLE!
One night, Gary was walking home from Joe's Diner. He had been staring at the stars, wondering at their beauty, and awestruck at how much the sky had looked like black velvet. He forgot where he was going, and he fell down a ditch which was filled with SEWAGE!
He HATED LOTTIE! He hated her BEEDY EYES, her black TARANTULA-LIKE HAIR, and her HIGH-PITCHED WHINY VOICE!!!! He felt like ALL THE JOKES PEOPLE TOLD ABOUT HEN-PECKED HUSBANDS...HENPECKED HUSBANDS...Gary was a HENPECKED HUSBAND!!!!!
1. He wears the pants in the house – under his apron.
2. He has two chances of winning an argument with her, slim and none.
3. She leads a double life – hers and his.
4. He comes right out and says what she tells him to think.
5. She does not have to raise the roof, all she has to do is raise an eyebrow.
6. The only time he opens his mouth is to ask her for the apron and the vacuum cleaner.
7. He always has the last word – he says, “I apologize”.
8. She snaps “are you a man or a mouse – squeak up”.
9. He was a man about town, she has turned him into a mouse around the house.
10. The last big decision she let him make was whether to wash or to dry.
11. She tames to be pleased.
12. He put a ring on her finger and she put one through his nose.
13. He can’t even open his mouth to yawn, she complains he is causing a draft.
14. He was a dude before marriage – now he is subdued.
15. He married her for her looks, but not the kind he’s getting now.
16. He even has to ask permission to ask permission.
17. She lost her thumb in an accident and sued for $100,000, because it was the thumb she had him under.
18. She even complains about the noise he makes, when he is fixing his own breakfast.
19. He worships the ground she gives him the run – around on.
20. He goes to a woman dentist – it’s a relief to be told to open his mouth instead of to shut it.
21. When he is late for dinner he gets two kinds of meat, ‘hot tongue’ & ‘cold shoulder’.
22. He should have been warned, when he carried her over the threshold after they were married, that she couldn’t wait to put her foot down.
23. Every once in awhile she comes to him on her bended knees. She dares him to come out from under the bed.
24. He has to hold his pay envelope up to the light, to see if he got a raise.
25. She wants to go to the seashore, claiming that mountain air disagrees with her. He can’t see how it would dare.
Suddenly, Lottie's hateful, SCREAMING FACE swam before him. Before he knew what he was DOING, he'd started the pickup, GUNNED THE MOTOR, and WITH HIS FOOT FIRMLY DOWN ON THE GAS PEDAL, HE DROVE OUT OF THE PARKING LOT AND SPED DOWN THE HIGHWAY. he didn't KNOW HOW HE'D GOTTEN INTO THE ACCIDENT, BUT SUDDENLY, THERE WAS THE RAVINE, AND----------BEFORE HE COULD HIT THE BRAKES,
His pickup...
Went SAILING THROUGH THE AIR...
...And the LAST THING HE FELT, WAS A SICKENING FEELING OF WEIGHTLESSNESS!
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