THE TRIP----ONE---They blasted off at NOON, LOCAL TIME. The townspeople gathered out near the clearing they had made, to see SGT FALCONIAN, LOBELIA, and their new friend, QUINCY, off. The rocket ship took TWO DAYS to reach the moon, and they were now orbiting the dusty chalky planet. The rocketship RESEMBLED one of the orbiters THE PLANET EARTH used, early in the 1960s, when they went to the moon. The bee people had explained that THEIR ANCESTORS had blasted off from their own planet, and had made this town their home, after traveling in the rocketship, for several months. The bee people were their descendants.
The interior of the ship was old, and it looked like an OLD EARTH BOILER ROOM. The BOILER ROOM had OFFICE CHAIRS, AND A LARGE COMPUTER CONSOLE, and in the rear it had rungs going up to the HATCH PORTION OF THE SHIP. There were STRANGE SOUNDS in that ship. Loud, chitterings and bangings that seemed to come from the bowels of the ship.
Quincy glanced nervously around him. His minute scales stood out in the strange blue-green lighting of the ship. The lighting cast a strange green tinge to his brown-blond hair. He had explained that most of his ancestors were HUMAN, but there had been a VELOCIRAPTOR ANCESTOR somewhere in his past, as most of his humanoid relatives had small scales on their bodies. "Grandpa used to TALK ABOUT HIM, A LOT!" he told Lobelia. "Grandpa said that our ancestor was a FULL-BLOODED VELOCIRAPTOR and that HE'D SPENT MOST OF HIS LIFE UP IN A CAVE in the MOUNTAINS..." The ancestor had beautiful blue-green scales on his graceful form, and that he had resembled an Earth Dragon. Quincy smiled.
Now, ALL THREE of the men were out on the moon. They had to wear PRESSURIZED, OXYGEN-FILLED spacesuits, as the MOON HAD NO ATMOSPHERE, to SPEAK OF, and it was always PITCH-BLACK. Between the three of them, they had managed to get enough Naboobium to feed the BEE PEOPLE for several decades, and now they were getting ready to leave the planet to go back home. After they had gathered all the NABOOBIUM they could find, they had decided to head back to the ship, to go home, or at least, they WOULD HAVE HEADED BACK TO THE SHIP, but SGT FALCONIAN had WANTED TO INVESTIGATE a small cave he'd found, near one of the NABOOBIUM SPRINGS.
He'd gone inside with a flashlight, and LOBELIA AND QUINCY WERE FOLLOWING CLOSE BEHIND. Something felt ODD about this planet, Lobelia didn't know what it was, but HE DIDN'T WANT HIS SMALL COUSIN skulking around in that cave and possibly getting into trouble. So he went inside the cave, and QUINCY FOLLOWED.
The cave was DARK AND SPOOKY. There was a HISSING SOUND, emanating from somewhere inside, and Lobelia thought it might've been gas escaping from a small gas pocket, or perhaps air coming through small openings, somewhere deep inside the cave. It MADE HIM NERVOUS. All three of them moved around the cave, shining their flashlights on the cave walls and on the cave floor.
As they moved around the cave, they noted the huge stalagtites and rocks that drooped downwards from the cave ceiling, carved out by waters, millions of years before. Suddenly Sgt Falconian yelled, "HEY GUYS! TAKE A LOOKAT THIS!"
Lobelia and Quincy were instantly at his side. They saw where the little man's flashlight had splashed light on a huge rock. The rock had strange writings carved into it, and the writings looked like nothing they'd ever seen before. "Definitely MAN-MADE." Quincy muttered, as he ran a hand over the rock. "Usually the miners leave clues where to find solid Naboobium deposits, but THIS DOESN'T LOOK LIKE THAT..." He studied the rock, intently.
Lobelia ventured, "Maybe some life-forms from a distant planet left this here, as a CALLING CARD of some sort..." He stared at the triangular writings, trying to make sense of it. He reached for his camera and took pictures. After he took the last picture, he smiled. "Maybe we've uncovered the writings of a LOST CIVILIZATION! Who KNOWS...MAYBE WE'LL ALL GO DOWN IN HISTORY!"
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
THE PRANKSTER-ONE-A few days after Martin's death, Old Mookie came home from the hospital. They had a small dinner for the velociraptor, and they served him his favorite food-----pizza. Old Mookie, while happy he was home, was SAD, upon hearing of Martin's demise. The two of them had become CLOSE FRIENDS, which was STRANGE, CONSIDERING MARTIN'S HATRED FOR REPTILIANS.
"It was because I reminded him of Mr Beasely, the storekeeper who hired him to work at his GROCERY STORE, afternoons after school." Old Mookie had explained. "Mr Beasely was BIG, like ME, and Martin said that he was always GOOD TO HIM AND HIS FAMILY..."
Old Mookie's voice trailed off, but then he brightened when he'd mentioned that an ALLOSAURIC NURSE had given him HER PHONE NUMBER and had asked him to CALL HER. "Bernice is REALLY NICE.." Old Mookie smiled, DREAMILY. "She wears ORANGE CREME PERFUME..."
Sgt Falconian, meanwhile, was on a CASE. There HAD BEEN A MYSTERIOUS PERSONAGE, who was REEKING HAVOC on the RESIDENTS OF BUILDING C. So FAR, the prankster had:
SMEARED LIMBURGER CHEESE on ALL the LIGHTBULBS IN THE DAYROOM, so that when anyone TURNED IT ON, EVERYTHING IN THE WHOLE ROOM STARTED TO SMELL! Nadine, the winged creature WOKE UP, LOOKED OUT THE WINDOW, and started to SCREAM----as did Sgt Falconian, who had seen a GHASTLY IMAGE OUTSIDE HIS BEDROOM WINDOW. "SOME IDIOT grabbed some make-up and PUT IT ALL OVER HIS FACE!. I couldn't GET A GOOD LOOK ON WHO IT WAS, because his WHOLE FACE was PALE WHITE, and his EYE SOCKETS WERE COMPLETELY BLACK!"
Sgt Falconian-----his OWN face pale WHITE, had gone on to say that his ASSAILANT HAD USED bright red lipstick and had applied RED BLUSH on his CHEEKS! "He looked like an INSANE CLOWN!" the little man muttered, as he sipped his coffee. He was at JOE'S DINER, discussing the previous night's events with JOE THE COOK. "NEXT THING I KNEW the IDIOT HAD GOTTEN A HATCHET, or a CROWBAR, AN' HE WUZ TAPPIN' ON TH' WINDOWS...an' he wuz LOOKIN' IN AT US, an' the LOOK on 'is face wuz SOMETHIN' I'LL NEVER FORGET...." The attacker had gone on to torment OTHER residents at BUILDING C. The residents----oddly enough----were all REPTILIAN, or of REPTILIAN STOCK. The attacker had placed a PREGNANT ARMADILLO in with Mr. Planakis'----he lived in ROOM 08-------UNDIES, so that when the BABIES HAD HATCHED, MOM was NURSING THEM IN his UNDIES!
But the joke had BACKFIRED-----if it WAS a joke. Mr Planakis had adopted BOTH mother and babies, and was now RAISING THEM AS HIS OWN. Mr Planakis looked more HUMAN than REPTILIAN, but an ancestor was a full blooded T-REX. Other reptilians had gotten FART CUSHIONS on their SEATS AT the DAYROOM, when SGT FALCONIAN HAD SHOWN A MOVIE, and when Miss Cipriani, the SOUTHERN BELLE/VELOCIRAPTOR, was watching her FAVORITE DVD, someone had climbed up to her second story window, and had done the SAME THING WITH THE CROWBAR, to her.
The assailant WASN'T dressed up like a CLOWN------he had donned dark clothes and a ski mask to do the EVIL DEED.The dark clad figure had made a loud noise and had stared at her, before quickly dodging out of the way and RUNNING OFF TO HIDE! Sgt Falconian's features settled into a scowl. "WHOEVER'S DOIN' THIS, has an EVIL MIND..." he muttered, staring bleakly into his coffee.
"It was because I reminded him of Mr Beasely, the storekeeper who hired him to work at his GROCERY STORE, afternoons after school." Old Mookie had explained. "Mr Beasely was BIG, like ME, and Martin said that he was always GOOD TO HIM AND HIS FAMILY..."
Old Mookie's voice trailed off, but then he brightened when he'd mentioned that an ALLOSAURIC NURSE had given him HER PHONE NUMBER and had asked him to CALL HER. "Bernice is REALLY NICE.." Old Mookie smiled, DREAMILY. "She wears ORANGE CREME PERFUME..."
Sgt Falconian, meanwhile, was on a CASE. There HAD BEEN A MYSTERIOUS PERSONAGE, who was REEKING HAVOC on the RESIDENTS OF BUILDING C. So FAR, the prankster had:
SMEARED LIMBURGER CHEESE on ALL the LIGHTBULBS IN THE DAYROOM, so that when anyone TURNED IT ON, EVERYTHING IN THE WHOLE ROOM STARTED TO SMELL! Nadine, the winged creature WOKE UP, LOOKED OUT THE WINDOW, and started to SCREAM----as did Sgt Falconian, who had seen a GHASTLY IMAGE OUTSIDE HIS BEDROOM WINDOW. "SOME IDIOT grabbed some make-up and PUT IT ALL OVER HIS FACE!. I couldn't GET A GOOD LOOK ON WHO IT WAS, because his WHOLE FACE was PALE WHITE, and his EYE SOCKETS WERE COMPLETELY BLACK!"
Sgt Falconian-----his OWN face pale WHITE, had gone on to say that his ASSAILANT HAD USED bright red lipstick and had applied RED BLUSH on his CHEEKS! "He looked like an INSANE CLOWN!" the little man muttered, as he sipped his coffee. He was at JOE'S DINER, discussing the previous night's events with JOE THE COOK. "NEXT THING I KNEW the IDIOT HAD GOTTEN A HATCHET, or a CROWBAR, AN' HE WUZ TAPPIN' ON TH' WINDOWS...an' he wuz LOOKIN' IN AT US, an' the LOOK on 'is face wuz SOMETHIN' I'LL NEVER FORGET...." The attacker had gone on to torment OTHER residents at BUILDING C. The residents----oddly enough----were all REPTILIAN, or of REPTILIAN STOCK. The attacker had placed a PREGNANT ARMADILLO in with Mr. Planakis'----he lived in ROOM 08-------UNDIES, so that when the BABIES HAD HATCHED, MOM was NURSING THEM IN his UNDIES!
But the joke had BACKFIRED-----if it WAS a joke. Mr Planakis had adopted BOTH mother and babies, and was now RAISING THEM AS HIS OWN. Mr Planakis looked more HUMAN than REPTILIAN, but an ancestor was a full blooded T-REX. Other reptilians had gotten FART CUSHIONS on their SEATS AT the DAYROOM, when SGT FALCONIAN HAD SHOWN A MOVIE, and when Miss Cipriani, the SOUTHERN BELLE/VELOCIRAPTOR, was watching her FAVORITE DVD, someone had climbed up to her second story window, and had done the SAME THING WITH THE CROWBAR, to her.
The assailant WASN'T dressed up like a CLOWN------he had donned dark clothes and a ski mask to do the EVIL DEED.The dark clad figure had made a loud noise and had stared at her, before quickly dodging out of the way and RUNNING OFF TO HIDE! Sgt Falconian's features settled into a scowl. "WHOEVER'S DOIN' THIS, has an EVIL MIND..." he muttered, staring bleakly into his coffee.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
New species of tree found!
I found a NEW SPECIES OF TREE. It's called an AMOROUS BUTT-POKING TREE! Yesterday, that TREE in the BACK, POKED AND PRODDED ME SOMETHING AWFUL!
Today, it was the TREE OUT IN THE FRONT. I went and
MOWED THE LAWN IN THE FRONT, and ALL DURING
THAT TIME, THAT TREE TOOK EVERY OPPORTUNITY
TO ANNOY ME! IT got its LEAFY BRANCHES ALL IN
MY FACE, SO THAT I COULDN'T SEE WHERE I WAS
MOWING, and both ME AND MY MOWER ENDED UP IN
THE DRIVEWAY!!! Yesterday, when I was in the BACK,
TRIMMING THE OTHER TREE'S BRANCHES, it got SO MAD
AT ME, IT POKED MY BUTT AND KNOCKED ME
DOWN!!! I think it told THIS TREE, IN THE FRONT YARD,
what A MEAN PERSON I WAS, trimming its BRANCHES,
and so NOW THIS TREE kept putting it's leafy
BRANCHES RIGHT IN MY FACE, trying to stick its TWIGS UP
MY NOSE, and getting the twigs STUCK IN MY
HAIR!!!!! Took me ALL MORNING to MOW THE
LAWN. I could've done the ENTIRE THING IN
HALF-AN-HOUR, if I could've SEEN WHERE I WAS GOING.
I'm VERY UPSET about this TREE BUSINESS!!! I
think I'll go SIT OUTSIDE under ONE of them-----during
a lightning STORM. Those TREES won't be so
COCKY, THEN... When a tree is struck by lightning, the
liquids inside the trunk and bark turn to gas instantly,
leading to high pressure and literally explosion of
anything that is between the gas and the open air.
Usually, the lightning current runs just underneath
the bark, down to ground, and the tree is scarred
by a strip of blown-away bark. It usually survives such a strike.
Sometimes, the current may run down near the center of
the trunk, and then there may be little left of the
tree afterwards. The exploding timber will
blow away at high velocity and act like projectiles. ...THOSE TREES BETTER BE NICE TO
ME....
ALL ABOUT TREES:
OverviewIn the past, trees covered most of the Earth's land
surface. At present, according to Ecology.com, trees
cover just over 29 percent of the Earth's land
surface. Even with the reduction in the number of
trees, there are still some interesting facts and
figures about trees.
SizeThe tallest tree in the world is a coastal redwood in
California. That tree, named Hyperion, is nearly 380
feet tall. The largest known tree is another coastal
redwood called the General Sherman. The General
Sherman may not be as tall as Hyperion, but it has a
much more massive trunk.
AgeRecent research on a Swedish spruce tree has
shown that it took root nearly 9,500 years ago,
according to an article in "The Telegraph."
Researchers have found other nearby spruce
clusters that are 8,000 years old. Before the
discovery of these trees, the previously oldest
known trees were some North American pines
estimated to be around 5,000 years old.
Fastest Growing TreeThe fastest growing tree in the world is the Eastern
cottonwood, or the Populus deltoides. This tree is
known to grow nearly 18 inches per year and is
often cultivated as a core wood for furniture grade
plywood and other engineered wood-based
products. This deciduous tree can reach heights of
over 80 feet and spreads of nearly 60 feet.
Hardest WoodHardwoods can be very dense, which makes them
ideal for furniture and home building. The denser the
wood, the more stable it is and the better it can
support a load. The densest wood in the world is
ironwood, sometimes called the "axe breaker."
Ironwood contains long, tightly packed fibers with
almost no air spaces, accounting for its hardness
and density.
Softest WoodThe softest wood commercially produced from trees
in the world is balsa wood. Balsa is also the lightest
wood. Balsa has an average specific gravity of .16
and easily floats in water.
Darkest & Lightest WoodThe darkest wood in the world comes from the
ebony tree. The lightest is from the silver striped
holly.
Amorous Butt-poking TreesCan be found in an isolated yard in the back of a
house on a certain street, in a certain town.
Butt-poking trees can communicate with each other
telepathically, warning each other of houseowner
with push lawnmower and pinking shears. Said trees
will attack said person, mercilessly poking soft
posteriors with their cold, hard dead branches.
Failing that, the trees will shove branches up nasal
and aural cavities.
Today, it was the TREE OUT IN THE FRONT. I went and
MOWED THE LAWN IN THE FRONT, and ALL DURING
THAT TIME, THAT TREE TOOK EVERY OPPORTUNITY
TO ANNOY ME! IT got its LEAFY BRANCHES ALL IN
MY FACE, SO THAT I COULDN'T SEE WHERE I WAS
MOWING, and both ME AND MY MOWER ENDED UP IN
THE DRIVEWAY!!! Yesterday, when I was in the BACK,
TRIMMING THE OTHER TREE'S BRANCHES, it got SO MAD
AT ME, IT POKED MY BUTT AND KNOCKED ME
DOWN!!! I think it told THIS TREE, IN THE FRONT YARD,
what A MEAN PERSON I WAS, trimming its BRANCHES,
and so NOW THIS TREE kept putting it's leafy
BRANCHES RIGHT IN MY FACE, trying to stick its TWIGS UP
MY NOSE, and getting the twigs STUCK IN MY
HAIR!!!!! Took me ALL MORNING to MOW THE
LAWN. I could've done the ENTIRE THING IN
HALF-AN-HOUR, if I could've SEEN WHERE I WAS GOING.
I'm VERY UPSET about this TREE BUSINESS!!! I
think I'll go SIT OUTSIDE under ONE of them-----during
a lightning STORM. Those TREES won't be so
COCKY, THEN... When a tree is struck by lightning, the
liquids inside the trunk and bark turn to gas instantly,
leading to high pressure and literally explosion of
anything that is between the gas and the open air.
Usually, the lightning current runs just underneath
the bark, down to ground, and the tree is scarred
by a strip of blown-away bark. It usually survives such a strike.
Sometimes, the current may run down near the center of
the trunk, and then there may be little left of the
tree afterwards. The exploding timber will
blow away at high velocity and act like projectiles. ...THOSE TREES BETTER BE NICE TO
ME....
ALL ABOUT TREES:
OverviewIn the past, trees covered most of the Earth's land
surface. At present, according to Ecology.com, trees
cover just over 29 percent of the Earth's land
surface. Even with the reduction in the number of
trees, there are still some interesting facts and
figures about trees.
SizeThe tallest tree in the world is a coastal redwood in
California. That tree, named Hyperion, is nearly 380
feet tall. The largest known tree is another coastal
redwood called the General Sherman. The General
Sherman may not be as tall as Hyperion, but it has a
much more massive trunk.
AgeRecent research on a Swedish spruce tree has
shown that it took root nearly 9,500 years ago,
according to an article in "The Telegraph."
Researchers have found other nearby spruce
clusters that are 8,000 years old. Before the
discovery of these trees, the previously oldest
known trees were some North American pines
estimated to be around 5,000 years old.
Fastest Growing TreeThe fastest growing tree in the world is the Eastern
cottonwood, or the Populus deltoides. This tree is
known to grow nearly 18 inches per year and is
often cultivated as a core wood for furniture grade
plywood and other engineered wood-based
products. This deciduous tree can reach heights of
over 80 feet and spreads of nearly 60 feet.
Hardest WoodHardwoods can be very dense, which makes them
ideal for furniture and home building. The denser the
wood, the more stable it is and the better it can
support a load. The densest wood in the world is
ironwood, sometimes called the "axe breaker."
Ironwood contains long, tightly packed fibers with
almost no air spaces, accounting for its hardness
and density.
Softest WoodThe softest wood commercially produced from trees
in the world is balsa wood. Balsa is also the lightest
wood. Balsa has an average specific gravity of .16
and easily floats in water.
Darkest & Lightest WoodThe darkest wood in the world comes from the
ebony tree. The lightest is from the silver striped
holly.
Amorous Butt-poking TreesCan be found in an isolated yard in the back of a
house on a certain street, in a certain town.
Butt-poking trees can communicate with each other
telepathically, warning each other of houseowner
with push lawnmower and pinking shears. Said trees
will attack said person, mercilessly poking soft
posteriors with their cold, hard dead branches.
Failing that, the trees will shove branches up nasal
and aural cavities.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
THE LAWNMOWER
THE LAWN MOWER-TWENTY-ONE-Lobelia
was in the kitchen, dining on LEFT-OVERS from
Joe's Diner. Earlier, he'd snacked
on----respectively----potato chips, chocolate mints,
strawberry cookies, yogurt, yams, fried potatoes,
AND THEN, TO TOP IT ALL OFF, the LEFTOVER
BURGERS AND CHILI from JOE'S DINER!
The large velociraptor hovered over the leftovers.
He was enjoying his FOOD, IMMENSELY! But then,
SUDDENLY, A HUGE WAVE OF PAIN ENGULFED HIM!
LOBELIA SCREAMED AND THEN HE ROARED!!!!!
Pinkie Toes, three-eyed beings, jellified creatures,
and a HOST OF OTHER STRANGE ENTITIES, went
scattering out into the courtyard! Sgt Falconian
grabbed a pair of scizzors, and LUNGED AT LOBELIA!
"i CAN'T STAND TO SEE A GUY SUFFER!" the little
man yelled, and before ANYONE COULD STOP HIM,
SGT FALCONIAN SLASHED AT LOBELIA'S
BRAND-NEW PANTS!!!!
Lobelia suddenly straightened up. "THE PAIN IS
GONE!" A look of WONDER replaced the AGONY that
had been on the REPTILIAN'S FACE. "What ON
EARTH did you DO? My PANTS...."
Sgt Falconian peered up at his large cousin. His
beetle brows knit together. HIS OWN PANTS were
BAGGY and TORN. A mustard stain ran down the
front of his shirt, which was missing a few buttons.
He looked COMICAL, and LOBELIA LAUGHED....
Sgt Falconian spoke, "I cut yer BELT! Martin made
yer PANTS TOO TIGHT! They're at least TWO SIZES
TOO SMALL. An' ya NEED TA GO ONNA DIET!!!! YER
EATIN' WAY TOO MUCH!!!!"
Martin turned and walked away. He'd been
discovered...Lobelia would now be getting his pants
TWO SIZES BIGGER that they'd been, and NOW HE
HAD TO THINK OF SOMETHING ELSE. But FIRST----he
had to deal with the ANIMALS outside HIS
BASEMENT ROOM. They had been KEEPING HIM UP
NIGHTS, and now THEY HAD TO BE STOPPED!!!
Animals were RUINING HIS LIFE! Martin had
NOTICED how ENTHUSIASTIC those little CRIMINALS
were, about MORNINGS! As SOON as the sky turned
from BLACK TO a dark BLUE, THEY WOKE UP AND
STARTED RUNNING AROUND MAKING THAT
INFERNAL RACKET THEY CALLED 'GREETINGS'----for
NO DARN GOOD REASON!
They woke up and started running around making
NOISES----every DARNED DAY, THEY CHIRPED, THEY
MUTTERED, THEY SHRIEKED, THEY TWITTERED!!!!!
"Holy crap! I'm an animal and it's really BLOOMING
early in the morning and I feel great!!!!"
Martin hadn't SLEPT more than 5 hours in a night for
over a WEEK, now and it's all because of one stupid
bird that lived in a tree RIGHT OUTSIDE HIS
BASEMENT WINDOW!!!
Martin had had a NIGHTMARE at 4:00 AM and the
bird had WOKEN UP THREE HOURS LATER, and
started making sounds like a RETARDED ALARM
CLOCK, because it was so EXCITED to be a BIRD.
THIS IDIOT BIRD woke up EVERY OTHER ANIMAL in
the world and then all the animals were replying-----
"Yaaaaaayyyy! We're ANIMALS and it's MORNING!"
MARTIN WISHED THAT THEY COULD all GO AND
JUMP IN THE LAKE!
Sometimes he tried to YELL at them to get them to
be QUIET, but they're animals so they DIDN'T listen
to him, AT ALL!!!
Martin would just end up lying in his bed getting
madder and MADDER at them until he wasn't even
SLEEPY anymore and then HE GOT up and made
COFFEE and tried to remember to go to the STORE
to buy EARPLUGS.
But that never happened because he'd start getting
BUSY over something and he'd forget and pretty
soon it was NIGHT TIME, and he'd be KICKING
HIMSELF, because HE DIDN'T GO TO THE STORE,
and then he'd go to bed secretly hoping that maybe
all the animals would get REALLY depressed and
they wouldn't feel the need to tell the WHOLE
UNIVERSE about how excited they are, but NO.
The moment there was even one fraction of a ray of
sunshine in the sky, the bird was wide awake and
WAKING EVERYBODY ELSE!!!!
That BIRD was a PATHETIC DRAB----just like
EVERYTHING ELSE IN THIS creepy JOINT! Madness
and TORMENT----that's what the ANIMALS did to him,
that's what the LIFE FORMS IN BUILDING C, did to
him, AND THAT'S WHAT THAT VELOCIRAPTIC
IDIOT----LOBELIA-----was doing to him, NOW!!!!!
He could HEAR THE LITTLE IDIOT PINKIE TOES,
upstairs, singing their IDIOT SONGS in their IDIOT
LITTLE CHIPMUNK VOICES!!!!
!"I-GOT-A-PINKIE-TOE!
I-GOT-A-PINKIE-TOE!
I-GOT-A-PINKIE-TOE!
I LOVE MY PINKIE TOE!!!!")
...over and Over and OVER AND OVER AND OVER.....
Martin clenched his FISTS and jammed them into his
EARS. He could HEAR HIS BLOOD PUMPING
THROUGH HIS SYSTEM. He opened his mouth and
SCREAMED, but his SCREAMS WERE DROWNED OUT
BY A LAWNMOWER, running OUTSIDE...
was in the kitchen, dining on LEFT-OVERS from
Joe's Diner. Earlier, he'd snacked
on----respectively----potato chips, chocolate mints,
strawberry cookies, yogurt, yams, fried potatoes,
AND THEN, TO TOP IT ALL OFF, the LEFTOVER
BURGERS AND CHILI from JOE'S DINER!
The large velociraptor hovered over the leftovers.
He was enjoying his FOOD, IMMENSELY! But then,
SUDDENLY, A HUGE WAVE OF PAIN ENGULFED HIM!
LOBELIA SCREAMED AND THEN HE ROARED!!!!!
Pinkie Toes, three-eyed beings, jellified creatures,
and a HOST OF OTHER STRANGE ENTITIES, went
scattering out into the courtyard! Sgt Falconian
grabbed a pair of scizzors, and LUNGED AT LOBELIA!
"i CAN'T STAND TO SEE A GUY SUFFER!" the little
man yelled, and before ANYONE COULD STOP HIM,
SGT FALCONIAN SLASHED AT LOBELIA'S
BRAND-NEW PANTS!!!!
Lobelia suddenly straightened up. "THE PAIN IS
GONE!" A look of WONDER replaced the AGONY that
had been on the REPTILIAN'S FACE. "What ON
EARTH did you DO? My PANTS...."
Sgt Falconian peered up at his large cousin. His
beetle brows knit together. HIS OWN PANTS were
BAGGY and TORN. A mustard stain ran down the
front of his shirt, which was missing a few buttons.
He looked COMICAL, and LOBELIA LAUGHED....
Sgt Falconian spoke, "I cut yer BELT! Martin made
yer PANTS TOO TIGHT! They're at least TWO SIZES
TOO SMALL. An' ya NEED TA GO ONNA DIET!!!! YER
EATIN' WAY TOO MUCH!!!!"
Martin turned and walked away. He'd been
discovered...Lobelia would now be getting his pants
TWO SIZES BIGGER that they'd been, and NOW HE
HAD TO THINK OF SOMETHING ELSE. But FIRST----he
had to deal with the ANIMALS outside HIS
BASEMENT ROOM. They had been KEEPING HIM UP
NIGHTS, and now THEY HAD TO BE STOPPED!!!
Animals were RUINING HIS LIFE! Martin had
NOTICED how ENTHUSIASTIC those little CRIMINALS
were, about MORNINGS! As SOON as the sky turned
from BLACK TO a dark BLUE, THEY WOKE UP AND
STARTED RUNNING AROUND MAKING THAT
INFERNAL RACKET THEY CALLED 'GREETINGS'----for
NO DARN GOOD REASON!
They woke up and started running around making
NOISES----every DARNED DAY, THEY CHIRPED, THEY
MUTTERED, THEY SHRIEKED, THEY TWITTERED!!!!!
"Holy crap! I'm an animal and it's really BLOOMING
early in the morning and I feel great!!!!"
Martin hadn't SLEPT more than 5 hours in a night for
over a WEEK, now and it's all because of one stupid
bird that lived in a tree RIGHT OUTSIDE HIS
BASEMENT WINDOW!!!
Martin had had a NIGHTMARE at 4:00 AM and the
bird had WOKEN UP THREE HOURS LATER, and
started making sounds like a RETARDED ALARM
CLOCK, because it was so EXCITED to be a BIRD.
THIS IDIOT BIRD woke up EVERY OTHER ANIMAL in
the world and then all the animals were replying-----
"Yaaaaaayyyy! We're ANIMALS and it's MORNING!"
MARTIN WISHED THAT THEY COULD all GO AND
JUMP IN THE LAKE!
Sometimes he tried to YELL at them to get them to
be QUIET, but they're animals so they DIDN'T listen
to him, AT ALL!!!
Martin would just end up lying in his bed getting
madder and MADDER at them until he wasn't even
SLEEPY anymore and then HE GOT up and made
COFFEE and tried to remember to go to the STORE
to buy EARPLUGS.
But that never happened because he'd start getting
BUSY over something and he'd forget and pretty
soon it was NIGHT TIME, and he'd be KICKING
HIMSELF, because HE DIDN'T GO TO THE STORE,
and then he'd go to bed secretly hoping that maybe
all the animals would get REALLY depressed and
they wouldn't feel the need to tell the WHOLE
UNIVERSE about how excited they are, but NO.
The moment there was even one fraction of a ray of
sunshine in the sky, the bird was wide awake and
WAKING EVERYBODY ELSE!!!!
That BIRD was a PATHETIC DRAB----just like
EVERYTHING ELSE IN THIS creepy JOINT! Madness
and TORMENT----that's what the ANIMALS did to him,
that's what the LIFE FORMS IN BUILDING C, did to
him, AND THAT'S WHAT THAT VELOCIRAPTIC
IDIOT----LOBELIA-----was doing to him, NOW!!!!!
He could HEAR THE LITTLE IDIOT PINKIE TOES,
upstairs, singing their IDIOT SONGS in their IDIOT
LITTLE CHIPMUNK VOICES!!!!
!"I-GOT-A-PINKIE-TOE!
I-GOT-A-PINKIE-TOE!
I-GOT-A-PINKIE-TOE!
I LOVE MY PINKIE TOE!!!!")
...over and Over and OVER AND OVER AND OVER.....
Martin clenched his FISTS and jammed them into his
EARS. He could HEAR HIS BLOOD PUMPING
THROUGH HIS SYSTEM. He opened his mouth and
SCREAMED, but his SCREAMS WERE DROWNED OUT
BY A LAWNMOWER, running OUTSIDE...
Friday, September 25, 2009
The Sock People-By Nadine Noriega
While Sgt Falconian
was at the LIBRARY, doing RESEARCH on COLOR FIELDS,
Walt's football team had gotten into a BIG FIGHT with
ANOTHER TEAM during FOOTBALL PRACTICE. The fight had
made the EVENING NEWS, and the VERY NEXT MORNING, it
had MADE THE FRONT PAGE.
Reported taunting led to a fight between two football teams
Wednesday.
No one was arrested or charged in the 6 p.m. incident at the
HamonRye Football field.
according to Deputy Sam Snooper.
Athletic Director Keith Kandikane said assistant coach
Ryan Krogerskrackers was
given a yellow-card for abusive language to an official.
Kandikane said he received an e-mail from the Athletic
Association Thursday that said no other further action was
necessary in the
matter. The Red Dwarfs beat HamonRye 7-0.
"The two teams were taunting each other on the field and
that led to verbal
altercations, which led to players physically fighting each
other on the field,"
Snooper said.
Capt Russell Hoolihan said the matter is still being
investigated.
"There are some things that weren't substantiated. But with
a thing like that,
we're still doing some checking and trying to cover all our
bases," Hoolihan said.
Meanwhile, Sgt Falconian had replaced all the
BULBS in his ROOM with SODIUM BULBS. This new lighting
system had turned everything in the little man's room, a
ghastly yellow color, but it eliminated all of the BLUE COLOR
that was in the room. Things had settled down and the
scruffy little man and his winged pet were at last having a
NORMAL LIFE.
However, it speeded up whatever was happening
around Sgt Falconian's room. More and more people were
turning into INFANTS, and even MORE THINGS WERE
DISAPPEARING INTO THIN AIR. Sgt Falconian's immediate
neighbors-----Mr Left, in room 30, and Ms Right, in room 31,
were experiencing an alarming rise in MISSING SOCKS!
Already, Sgt Falconian's two neighbors had
LOST-----between the TWO of them--------------over 37 PAIRS OF
SOCKS!
Unknown to THEM-----or to the REST OF BUILDING
C-----Sgt Falconian's NEW LIGHTS were SPEEDING UP A
wormhole that had started forming in Sgt Falconian's
trapezoid kitchen. When the wormhole had FORMED, SOCK
PEOPLE HAD CLIMBED THROUGH THE WORMHOLE, which
had started near SGT FALCONIAN'S KITCHEN SINK, and was
NOW FILLING UP MOST OF HIS KITCHEN.
For the MOST PART, the WORMHOLE was
INVISIBLE, save for some SPARKING which would rise up
from the SINK. This SPARKING would sometimes cause the
TOILET to FLUSH.
These SOCK PEOPLE would CLIMB THROUGH THE
WORMHOLE in SGT FALCONIAN'S ROOM. Using their small
TOOLS, they'd open up OTHER WORMHOLES to OTHER
ROOMS, and they'd use THESE WORMHOLES to STEAL
SOCKS! These people were perfectly content with hoarding
tons of used socks. In a SINGLE NIGHT, it wasn't unusual for
these individuals to net SEVERAL TONS OF SOCKS.
The Sock People would go from ROOM TO ROOM,
sifting through laundry hampers and drawers, looking for
DIRTY SOCKS, which they would then PUREE and SELL IN
VENDING MACHINES, as MOLDY SOCKS were CONSIDERED A
HEALTH FOOD, much like SOY MILK, and WHEAT BRAN
MUFFINS.
Early in the year, the SOCK PEOPLE had become
victims of a FLU EPIDEMIC, and their SCIENTISTS had found
that eating sweaty socks along with pureed calavasitas
could GREATLY DECREASE THEIR CHANCES OF CATCHING
the FLU. Dirty socks were a natural VACCINE AGAINST THIS
FLU, and the SOCK PEOPLE WERE GROWING DESPERATE!
Because the FLU was DEADLY, Sock People all
over the UNIVERSE had been GOING THROUGH THE
WORMHOLE, STEALING SOCKS FROM HAMPERS AND
LAUNDRYROOMS AT BUILDING C, and FRYING THEM,
ALONG WITH THEIR BACON AND EGGS, to EAT THEM FOR
BREAKFAST! Toe socks were an especial favorite, as they
tasted SWEETER than TUBE SOCKS.
Sock people also preferred SOCKS with MAUVE
STRIPES, and DIAGONAL PLEATING, as THESE socks
seemed to have HEALING QUALITIES, as did SOCKS WITH
MULTI-COLORED STRIPES on them. Because MORE AND
MORE SOCK PEOPLE were falling ill with the FLU, the
DEMAND FOR FRESH SOCKS became so great that NOW
THEY WERE BRANCHING OUT into OTHER PARTS OF
BUILDING C, going through rooms which had rarely been
used, or that had been VACATED LONG AGO.
Such were the affairs, ONE MORNING, when Sgt
Falconian had taken his bath, and was looking forward to
watching the football game, wearing his favorite orange and
blue tube socks-----the COLOR OF HIS FAVORITE TEAM, the
DENVER BRONCOS. As he dressed, he searched in vain for
his favorite socks, and found, to his dismay, that they were
GONE....
was at the LIBRARY, doing RESEARCH on COLOR FIELDS,
Walt's football team had gotten into a BIG FIGHT with
ANOTHER TEAM during FOOTBALL PRACTICE. The fight had
made the EVENING NEWS, and the VERY NEXT MORNING, it
had MADE THE FRONT PAGE.
Reported taunting led to a fight between two football teams
Wednesday.
No one was arrested or charged in the 6 p.m. incident at the
HamonRye Football field.
according to Deputy Sam Snooper.
Athletic Director Keith Kandikane said assistant coach
Ryan Krogerskrackers was
given a yellow-card for abusive language to an official.
Kandikane said he received an e-mail from the Athletic
Association Thursday that said no other further action was
necessary in the
matter. The Red Dwarfs beat HamonRye 7-0.
"The two teams were taunting each other on the field and
that led to verbal
altercations, which led to players physically fighting each
other on the field,"
Snooper said.
Capt Russell Hoolihan said the matter is still being
investigated.
"There are some things that weren't substantiated. But with
a thing like that,
we're still doing some checking and trying to cover all our
bases," Hoolihan said.
Meanwhile, Sgt Falconian had replaced all the
BULBS in his ROOM with SODIUM BULBS. This new lighting
system had turned everything in the little man's room, a
ghastly yellow color, but it eliminated all of the BLUE COLOR
that was in the room. Things had settled down and the
scruffy little man and his winged pet were at last having a
NORMAL LIFE.
However, it speeded up whatever was happening
around Sgt Falconian's room. More and more people were
turning into INFANTS, and even MORE THINGS WERE
DISAPPEARING INTO THIN AIR. Sgt Falconian's immediate
neighbors-----Mr Left, in room 30, and Ms Right, in room 31,
were experiencing an alarming rise in MISSING SOCKS!
Already, Sgt Falconian's two neighbors had
LOST-----between the TWO of them--------------over 37 PAIRS OF
SOCKS!
Unknown to THEM-----or to the REST OF BUILDING
C-----Sgt Falconian's NEW LIGHTS were SPEEDING UP A
wormhole that had started forming in Sgt Falconian's
trapezoid kitchen. When the wormhole had FORMED, SOCK
PEOPLE HAD CLIMBED THROUGH THE WORMHOLE, which
had started near SGT FALCONIAN'S KITCHEN SINK, and was
NOW FILLING UP MOST OF HIS KITCHEN.
For the MOST PART, the WORMHOLE was
INVISIBLE, save for some SPARKING which would rise up
from the SINK. This SPARKING would sometimes cause the
TOILET to FLUSH.
These SOCK PEOPLE would CLIMB THROUGH THE
WORMHOLE in SGT FALCONIAN'S ROOM. Using their small
TOOLS, they'd open up OTHER WORMHOLES to OTHER
ROOMS, and they'd use THESE WORMHOLES to STEAL
SOCKS! These people were perfectly content with hoarding
tons of used socks. In a SINGLE NIGHT, it wasn't unusual for
these individuals to net SEVERAL TONS OF SOCKS.
The Sock People would go from ROOM TO ROOM,
sifting through laundry hampers and drawers, looking for
DIRTY SOCKS, which they would then PUREE and SELL IN
VENDING MACHINES, as MOLDY SOCKS were CONSIDERED A
HEALTH FOOD, much like SOY MILK, and WHEAT BRAN
MUFFINS.
Early in the year, the SOCK PEOPLE had become
victims of a FLU EPIDEMIC, and their SCIENTISTS had found
that eating sweaty socks along with pureed calavasitas
could GREATLY DECREASE THEIR CHANCES OF CATCHING
the FLU. Dirty socks were a natural VACCINE AGAINST THIS
FLU, and the SOCK PEOPLE WERE GROWING DESPERATE!
Because the FLU was DEADLY, Sock People all
over the UNIVERSE had been GOING THROUGH THE
WORMHOLE, STEALING SOCKS FROM HAMPERS AND
LAUNDRYROOMS AT BUILDING C, and FRYING THEM,
ALONG WITH THEIR BACON AND EGGS, to EAT THEM FOR
BREAKFAST! Toe socks were an especial favorite, as they
tasted SWEETER than TUBE SOCKS.
Sock people also preferred SOCKS with MAUVE
STRIPES, and DIAGONAL PLEATING, as THESE socks
seemed to have HEALING QUALITIES, as did SOCKS WITH
MULTI-COLORED STRIPES on them. Because MORE AND
MORE SOCK PEOPLE were falling ill with the FLU, the
DEMAND FOR FRESH SOCKS became so great that NOW
THEY WERE BRANCHING OUT into OTHER PARTS OF
BUILDING C, going through rooms which had rarely been
used, or that had been VACATED LONG AGO.
Such were the affairs, ONE MORNING, when Sgt
Falconian had taken his bath, and was looking forward to
watching the football game, wearing his favorite orange and
blue tube socks-----the COLOR OF HIS FAVORITE TEAM, the
DENVER BRONCOS. As he dressed, he searched in vain for
his favorite socks, and found, to his dismay, that they were
GONE....
Saturday, September 12, 2009
JOE-PART ONE
A story about an alien being who discovers her husband has turned into a baby.
Crazy Lois ran out into the
hallway, where the screams came from. She saw her
younger son, Malloy, standing over a pile of rags. Malloy
was silently crying, and bending over the pile. "Daddy..." he sobbed. "What the HELL IS GOING ON?" Crazy Lois
demanded in a shrill voice. Malloy was shaking and crying silently, he was
biting his lower lip and tears were streaming down his face.
He kept pointing to the pile of clothes, and a baby, which
was setting on top of them. The infant-----probably a NEWBORN--------was
screaming lustily, clawing at the air with his tiny fists. The
baby looked HUMAN. "Oh that's just GREAT! Did you STEAL SOMEONE'S
KID?" Crazy Lois yelled, angrily. "No! I----" Malloy stuttered. "See, this is the SORT OF THING THAT MAKES ME
WANT TO EAT YOU!!!!!" Crazy Lois screamed, shrilly, as she
collared her son. "Mom, I didn't DO anything----" "You take this KID BACK WHERE YOU GOT HIM
FROM!!!!" "Mom! I CAN'T-----" "Where's REED----Where's your FATHER?" "Mom...Will you PLEASE LISTEN?" "Joe! JOE!" Crazy Lois screamed, shrilly, for her
husband. "Damn it..." she muttered, picking up the infant.
"What the HELL did you kids do, NOW? You KIDNAPPED A
BABY, and I'm NOT GOING TO PRISON FOR YOU!!!!" The baby was screaming, and its bottom felt WET.
Crazy Lois muttered a swear word, and then took the baby
inside. She sent Malloy out to the GROCERY STORE, for
some DIAPERS and FORMULA, and then she started to
bathe the baby. As she drew a bath, she noticed the small
DOVE which the baby had on its forearm. JOE had a TATTOO JUST LIKE THAT!!! Looking closer at the baby's face, she saw a small
scar on its left eyebrow-------like the one JOE had, when HE'D
BEEN INVOLVED IN A CAR ACCIDENT on a cold RAINY
NIGHT. As she scrubbed the human baby, she muttered
about how TOUGH LIFE WAS FOR HER, that it had been a
MISTAKE to marry a human, and even though he wasn't
FULLY HUMAN, he still had the BAD TRAITS OF THAT AWFUL
RACE. Her sons were JUST as bad. They took after their FATHER in EVERY WAY. They
were SLOPPY, THEYate JUNK FOOD and left their CLOTHES
OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FLOOR. They YELLED all the
time and THREW THINGS AT EACH OTHER! They were RUDE,
like ALL HUMANS! "One of these DAYS----"Crazy Lois hissed into the
baby's face, "I'm GONNA EAT THEM ALL!" The baby laughed into her face, and its laughing reminded her of Joe, who was always LAUGHING at his
reptilian wife. He had done that THIS MORNING, when Crazy
Lois had discovered Malloy and Reed spraying whipped
cream all over Logan, her youngest son. She had collared all three of her sons, breathing
fire and threatening to EAT THEM RIGHT THEN AND THERE!
Joe had appeared at the doorway, taking his sons out to
the car----they were going to SCHOOL--------while Lois wiped
the whipped cream off of Logan's face. When Joe had come back from taking the boys to
school, Crazy Lois was still breathing fire, and threatening
to eat her kids, but Joe just LAUGHED. They were JUST
KIDS, he said. Boy's being boys. Crazy Lois snorted. One of these days.... Malloy returned with the diapers. Crazy Lois
quickly dried the infant off and powdered the infant's
bottom. Then, after putting a diaper on it, Lois warmed up
the formula and put it inside a baby bottle. The baby was
grabbing at the small blanket Crazy Lois had wrapped it in.
The baby cooed up at her, playing with her fingers. Malloy
was grabbing at his mother's shirt sleeve, trying to TELL her
something about HIS DADDY. The half-reptilian boy was
quietly sobbing. Crazy Lois looked down at the baby's face,
startled to see her husband's confused expression----Joe
always looked GOOFY, as if he was perpetually confused.
For an instant, she thought that her husband had been
fooling around with ANOTHER WOMAN, and that the woman
had abandoned her infant at Joe's doorstep. This made her
growl low in her throat. She leered at the baby, and grabbed
its tiny throat with her large scaly hand. But Malloy screamed and grabbed her arm. "PLEASE DON'T HURT DADDY!" he screamed.
hallway, where the screams came from. She saw her
younger son, Malloy, standing over a pile of rags. Malloy
was silently crying, and bending over the pile. "Daddy..." he sobbed. "What the HELL IS GOING ON?" Crazy Lois
demanded in a shrill voice. Malloy was shaking and crying silently, he was
biting his lower lip and tears were streaming down his face.
He kept pointing to the pile of clothes, and a baby, which
was setting on top of them. The infant-----probably a NEWBORN--------was
screaming lustily, clawing at the air with his tiny fists. The
baby looked HUMAN. "Oh that's just GREAT! Did you STEAL SOMEONE'S
KID?" Crazy Lois yelled, angrily. "No! I----" Malloy stuttered. "See, this is the SORT OF THING THAT MAKES ME
WANT TO EAT YOU!!!!!" Crazy Lois screamed, shrilly, as she
collared her son. "Mom, I didn't DO anything----" "You take this KID BACK WHERE YOU GOT HIM
FROM!!!!" "Mom! I CAN'T-----" "Where's REED----Where's your FATHER?" "Mom...Will you PLEASE LISTEN?" "Joe! JOE!" Crazy Lois screamed, shrilly, for her
husband. "Damn it..." she muttered, picking up the infant.
"What the HELL did you kids do, NOW? You KIDNAPPED A
BABY, and I'm NOT GOING TO PRISON FOR YOU!!!!" The baby was screaming, and its bottom felt WET.
Crazy Lois muttered a swear word, and then took the baby
inside. She sent Malloy out to the GROCERY STORE, for
some DIAPERS and FORMULA, and then she started to
bathe the baby. As she drew a bath, she noticed the small
DOVE which the baby had on its forearm. JOE had a TATTOO JUST LIKE THAT!!! Looking closer at the baby's face, she saw a small
scar on its left eyebrow-------like the one JOE had, when HE'D
BEEN INVOLVED IN A CAR ACCIDENT on a cold RAINY
NIGHT. As she scrubbed the human baby, she muttered
about how TOUGH LIFE WAS FOR HER, that it had been a
MISTAKE to marry a human, and even though he wasn't
FULLY HUMAN, he still had the BAD TRAITS OF THAT AWFUL
RACE. Her sons were JUST as bad. They took after their FATHER in EVERY WAY. They
were SLOPPY, THEYate JUNK FOOD and left their CLOTHES
OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FLOOR. They YELLED all the
time and THREW THINGS AT EACH OTHER! They were RUDE,
like ALL HUMANS! "One of these DAYS----"Crazy Lois hissed into the
baby's face, "I'm GONNA EAT THEM ALL!" The baby laughed into her face, and its laughing reminded her of Joe, who was always LAUGHING at his
reptilian wife. He had done that THIS MORNING, when Crazy
Lois had discovered Malloy and Reed spraying whipped
cream all over Logan, her youngest son. She had collared all three of her sons, breathing
fire and threatening to EAT THEM RIGHT THEN AND THERE!
Joe had appeared at the doorway, taking his sons out to
the car----they were going to SCHOOL--------while Lois wiped
the whipped cream off of Logan's face. When Joe had come back from taking the boys to
school, Crazy Lois was still breathing fire, and threatening
to eat her kids, but Joe just LAUGHED. They were JUST
KIDS, he said. Boy's being boys. Crazy Lois snorted. One of these days.... Malloy returned with the diapers. Crazy Lois
quickly dried the infant off and powdered the infant's
bottom. Then, after putting a diaper on it, Lois warmed up
the formula and put it inside a baby bottle. The baby was
grabbing at the small blanket Crazy Lois had wrapped it in.
The baby cooed up at her, playing with her fingers. Malloy
was grabbing at his mother's shirt sleeve, trying to TELL her
something about HIS DADDY. The half-reptilian boy was
quietly sobbing. Crazy Lois looked down at the baby's face,
startled to see her husband's confused expression----Joe
always looked GOOFY, as if he was perpetually confused.
For an instant, she thought that her husband had been
fooling around with ANOTHER WOMAN, and that the woman
had abandoned her infant at Joe's doorstep. This made her
growl low in her throat. She leered at the baby, and grabbed
its tiny throat with her large scaly hand. But Malloy screamed and grabbed her arm. "PLEASE DON'T HURT DADDY!" he screamed.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
My work in progress--AIRPORT-FLIGHT OF THE CHUPA
Meanwhile, Police had arrested Willie at the SAVE-A-BUNCH grocery store after the clerks found him at a table in the deli section, eating avocados, cake and other items. Captain Hoolihan had reported that the chupacabra appeared to be intoxicated----he had found and drank several cans of beer that TOMMY GRIBBLE had had in his truck, when it had crashed.
When found, Willie had been dining and had eaten a hearty spread, including cake, cookies and plums, in the deli area around 2:45 a.m. Tuesday.
Captain Hoolihan had said that they'd found avocado pits and pistachio shells on the floor and on a connecting table in the store. When police tried to take Willie out of the store, he growled and jumped over a counter and locked himself in a storage room. Sgt Falconian called Joe at the diner, and the cook went to the store to TALK WILLIE OUT OF THE STORAGE ROOM.
Joe-------who could talk the SOCKS OUT OF THEIR DRAWERS----- WAS woefully UNSUCCESSFUL, when it came to WILLIE. The chupa crawled out of the window and ran off. It was UNFORTUNATE for a family picnic down the street, as they had mistaken the chupa for their WEIRD UNCLE THAXTER. After helping himself to SEVERAL MORE DISHES, WILLIE had enraged several family members by GROWLING at the family Matriarch, who had promply gone after the chupa with her PURSE.
Then, "all hell broke loose", Captain Hoolihan had reported, as the FRACAS TURNED INTO A FULL-SCALE RIOT!
The rioters were "throwing jack irons, throwing tire irons, anything they could get their hands on." Some people EVEN CARRIED BASEBALL BATS AND BROOMS!
Captain Hoolihan had arrested two people at a high school during the initial disturbance. Relatives of the people who were arrested followed officers to police headquarters at city hall, and then the melee erupted.Six more people were arrested at city hall, Reese said, and police called in reinforcements from surrounding cities. Some officers wore riot gear, and many planned to stay overnight to help maintain order.
During the night, the fighting got even WORSE, as the town was placed under MARTIAL LAW. Several of the MARAUDERS had reached BUILDING C, but all the residents had locked their doors and stood in readiness to defend their building. Sgt Falconian had left Nadine with Lobelia, while he went down to the storage room at the SAVE-A-BUNCH to help JOE talk to WILLIE.
The CHUPA had somehow made his way to the AIRPORT. He'd stowed away in the trunk of a YELLOW CAB, which was taking a passenger to the airport. When he'd GOTTEN THERE, Willie had ingested even MORE alcoholic beverages at the airport bar. After THAT, he'd grabbed a jacket, belonging to one of the pilots, and entered the cockpit of a CESSNA AIRPLANE.
Once airborne, Willie served himself some more cocktails while at the controls. Two hours later he was apparently so inebriated that he was unable to read the instruments telling him where the airfield was---not that he was able to read the instruments, anyway! The chupa, who'd once been a trained pilot back in his home world, was now in a STRANGE NEW WORLD, and, worse, he had regressed into a BABY WHO'D GOTTEN DRUNK ON TOO MANY BEERS AND COCKTAILS, not to MENTION all the FOOD HE'D EATEN...
As he flew through the air, weaving his way through the skies, Willie had heard the squawk of the radio----the voices were now getting VERY PANICKY------
"I don't know what he's doing - he's going everywhere," sputtered a controller as he radioed warnings of an "unknown aircraft" to passenger jets, and just about ANYBODY ELSE WHO COULD HEAR HIM. The voices rushed and almost screamed until Willie reached over, and PULLED THE RADIO OUT OF THE CONTROL MONITOR.
It was a BIG MISTAKE-----because when WILLIE PULLED THE RADIO OUT OF THE CONSOLE, THERE WAS A MASSIVE ELECTRICAL SHORT, AND HIS PLANE WAS GOING DOWN!!!!
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